Somehow made it through

Doing image

Well I somehow made it through another day. Another day of intense emotions. Involving depression and suicidal feelings. Feelings of intense despair and hopelessness.

As far as care goes it’s had it’s good points where I’ve felt heard and validated, but also the bad points where even my physical pain hasn’t been heard never mind acted on.

When day 1.1 came in she found me very distressed – her words not mine. I hadn’t been washed or dressed by night staff as is my usual routine. I was in a great deal of discomfort due to very dry and itchy skin. As I didn’t get a shower the night before I hadn’t had any cream applied to my legs in twenty-four hours. As a result, the skin on my left foot was actually peeling. She gave me a shower creamed me all over and generally made me feel a lot better. We had quite a nice morning.

Made it through – afternoon time

However, I had been in a great deal of pain due to the Lymphoedema in my legs., which I have had for the last seven years. The pain and itchiness has increased over the last week. When I mentioned it to the nurse at home I was told “Well what do you want me to do about it”. So once again I’m left in pain and general discomfort. The worst part for me is when you’re trying to explain how you are feeling, and the staff just literally walk away from you. Knowing a full well you can’t follow them because you can not walk anymore 😂

Emotionally I am trying very hard to keep a lid on my feelings. Especially the suicidal feelings, I just don’t trust myself to let my mind goes there. It is best to try and be numb if I can. For now at least.

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