I’m going to try and put into words how the care from the 1.1 this afternoon (Tuesday 5th September) has left me feeling more on an emotional level than a physical one.
Yes, she spent the first hour mostly sleeping, which I know the deputy manager has dealt with by having them remove the comfy chair they used to sit on in my room. I guess that this is in the hope that having the 1.1 less comfortable means they are less likely to sleep 😆 Having them fall asleep whilst on my 1.1 leaves me feeling that being with me is an easy option. One they don’t have to bother with.
So it comes to 4 pm and tea time. Twenty minutes later the 1.1 still hasn’t asked me what I would like to eat. I eventually said something to her, and she said “Well I could have asked “ I tried to explain how tiring it is to constantly ask for and justify care needs like food and drink
The time is now 5 p.m. and my shower time. After lots of stress, I’m on the shower chair/commode. Five times I had to ask if they had a bowl underneath in case I needed the toilet. Eventually, she just didn’t get it so I said to just hoist me back to my wheelchair without showering me. I tried to explain that if I didn’t feel they could take care of my needs before hand then how could I let them shower me, where I am even more vulnerable?
To let you all know
So at 6.30 pm, I repeatedly asked the 1.1 to please be quiet and give me some space. I accepted she had to be there but please respect my space. She goes on and on! At 7 pm a friend Facetimes me. At this stage, the 1.1 and other people were in and out of my room. I did shout and say I was trying to talk to a friend and to respect my space!
Just to let you all know after being even more upset from night 1.1 and the nurse on duty I will no longer be accepting asking for
- Food or drink of any kind
- Personal care of any kind including pad changes.
As I seem unable to end my suffering by killing myself directly then I will do it this way. The situation at home has been intolerable for weeks now. It’s greatly affecting my mental health. I see no other way out of the situation 😂