Negative Care at home

I’m going to try and put into words how the care from the 1.1 this afternoon (Tuesday 5th September) has left me feeling more on an emotional level than a physical one.

Yes, she spent the first hour mostly sleeping, which I know the deputy manager has dealt with by having them remove the comfy chair they used to sit on in my room. I guess that this is in the hope that having the 1.1 less comfortable means they are less likely to sleep 😆 Having them fall asleep whilst on my 1.1 leaves me feeling that being with me is an easy option. One they don’t have to bother with.

So it comes to 4 pm and tea time. Twenty minutes later the 1.1 still hasn’t asked me what I would like to eat. I eventually said something to her, and she said “Well I could have asked “ I tried to explain how tiring it is to constantly ask for and justify care needs like food and drink

The time is now 5 p.m. and my shower time. After lots of stress, I’m on the shower chair/commode. Five times I had to ask if they had a bowl underneath in case I needed the toilet. Eventually, she just didn’t get it so I said to just hoist me back to my wheelchair without showering me. I tried to explain that if I didn’t feel they could take care of my needs before hand then how could I let them shower me, where I am even more vulnerable?

To let you all know

So at 6.30 pm, I repeatedly asked the 1.1  to please be quiet and give me some space. I accepted she had to be there but please respect my space. She goes on and on! At 7 pm a friend Facetimes me. At this stage, the 1.1 and other people were in and out of my room. I did shout and say I was trying to talk to a friend and to respect my space!

Just to let you all know after being even more upset from night 1.1 and the nurse on duty I will no longer be accepting asking for

• Food or drink of any kind
• Personal care of any kind including pad changes.

As I seem unable to end my suffering by killing myself directly then I will do it this way.  The situation at home has been intolerable for weeks now. It’s greatly affecting my mental health. I see no other way out of the situation 😂