Living with Borderline personality disorder
On this page, we would like to explore what it’s like living with a diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and depression. You can see an overview of Borderline personality disorder and also an overview of Depression in adults
I was diagnosed with depression at the age of fifteen after a traumatic childhood of abuse and neglect. I took my first overdose, was treated and discharged. It wasn’t until three years later that I was also diagnosed with BPD. This was after I took two overdoses in one week. I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital. Once they learned of my childhood they also diagnosed BPD.
some quick facts
- BPD effects both Men & Women
- Up to 80% Self Harm
- Treatment usually lasts 12 months or more
The Daily Impact of living with BPD
once diagnosed with borderline personality disorder treatment of any sort became very limited as it was said people with BPD didn’t respond to treatment. I was basically left in the psychiatric system, in and out of inpatient care.
My relationships with others were often intense and volatile. I either pushed people away or clung on to people to the point they had to back off. I was seen as an attention seeker, when in fact all I wanted was my hurt and trauma to my heard. I was seen as demanding because I wanted a cure for what I was feeling but couldn’t see. Unlike a broken leg for example you can see it broken, as can others and you know with the right treatment it will be fixed in six weeks.
therapy as a treatment for BPD
As I said earlier I spent many years in and out of psychiatric hospitals suffering from severe depression, which is part of BPD. I’ve tried to commit suicide many times unable to cope with the intensity of my emotions.
I even spent eight months in a low-secure unit doing Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) which is the favoured treatment for BPD. It helped me deal with my feelings in the here and now and gave me good coping strategies it didn’t help me deal with the abuse trauma I had been through. So I paid for private therapy. It was highly structured and really did help me deal with my abuse and why I reacted to life the way I did.
I think it fair to say that as I’ve grown older the BPD traits have become less. I don’t know if that’s purely down to an age thing, but also as I develop ways of coping with the intense emotions
