An open letter to my friends

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I am guessing by the time you read this you will know for definite I’ve managed to follow through with what I’ve been thinking of doing for quite a while now.

Firstly let me get it straight. It’s not been an impulsive reaction to recent events but a result of months if not years of added stress in my life, to the point now where’s totally unbearable. What happened in Robert Hadfield 5 and the way the majority of the staff have seen me has driven me way beyond breaking point. Today the decision to put me on section 5.2 of the Mental Health Act has broken any trust and any therapeutic relationship I had with anyone in the hospital.

My experience in the general ward

Being on this Ward has felt a total abuse of power. I can do very little for myself physically and the staff know that. It’s very easy for the staff to walk away from me as they know very well I can’t follow them. I’ve not been getting consistent personal care around incontinence pad changes or regular repositioning to the point I now have to take Oxycodone for pain relief.

Even though they’ve been providing mental health 1.1 support workers, they might as well not have bothered. The amount of time they come in, sit down and don’t even introduce themselves is almost unbearable πŸ’” Even on a psych ward I didn’t need the 2.1 they are saying I need now. Have they any idea how awful it feels to have two people constantly facing you and watching but not even attempting to engage you in conversation?

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This brings me to the subject. A potential placement has been in Mansfield. Now I chatted with my social worker this morning, with some other things she said devastated me when saying β€œ I had to take some responsibility for the failed placements as I had self-sabotaged them” So I made the CQC come to their own decisions about the Sheffield placement?

Now I know they are struggling to find me a new placement. However, I’m saying on record I don’t think going to another standard nursing home without a specialist mental health team will work. The other placements haven’t worked for that reason. So send me if you wish, but then don’t tell me I’m Self-sabotaging when it doesn’t work out.

I want no further part of this process called my life. Too much has happened over the last seven years since been unable to walk and live independently. Whatever will be will be. I no longer have the physical or emotional energy. Sorry πŸ’”

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