So I’m going to try and explain my feelings about coming to terms with a new reality

Seven years ago I found myself confined to a wheelchair full time. This was due to developing Lymphoedema in my legs and arms. I also found myself needing more and more care over that time – to the point where now I need 24/7 1.1 care in a nursing home.

I think deep down I’ve been in denial about what it really means to me on an emotional level.
I’ve accepted it on a practical level more or less like needing everything done for me. There’s not an area of my life that I don’t need intensive support and care with now.

Coming to terms with a new reality

The thing that’s opened the well of intense and distressing emotions has been something seemingly small. In recent months I’ve needed more so called “disability aids” to make my life more comfortable and easier. Things like a pressure cushion for my arm chair, foot pads for the wheelchair, and this week foot and leg supports.

Over the years I’ve tried ignore the fact I’m now physically disabled. I’m not sure why. Maybe to do with the fact it was another thing on top of the complex Mental Health Issues. Needing these aids has made me have to face up to the fact I’m now physically disabled too.

That’s something big for me. I really struggle for example if I go out for the day with my carer and I need a drink out of my beaker with a lid on it. I can no longer manage normal cups. I struggle because it’s not “normal ‘ but what is normal these days? I think deep down I just want to fit in, to be like everyone else. Something I’ve struggled with since been a child.My thoughts are – how you come to terms with such a loss of independence? Such a massive change in lifestyle. Having to rely on someone for absolutely everything?

I guess acceptance of this new reality will be an ongoing part of my journey