I have decided to blog about tonight’s care, even though my nice 1.1 carer is back in the morning, It’s a good emotional outlet for me. I really need that having no friends nearby who can physically come and see me, It’s also a written record of what I am dealing with from the 1.1 carers on a daily basis, if not by shift-by-shift basis.
Well, the tone of the evening was set so soon after the 1.1 arrived at 8 p.m. Was sitting in my chair trying to watch television. Bloody 1.1 took off her shoe and started banging the wall with it. I asked what she was doing. She was trying to kill a spider. Said Goodness me it’s a bloody spider, not a lion. She then tried to leave my door open to get rid of the said spider, despite me saying I didn’t like the noise due to other residents screaming and shouting. I said to have some respect. You’req disturbing my peace and quiet! That didn’t go down too well believe me 😖
And after the Spider saga
She kept on leaving me, which as I’m supposed to be within eyesight at all times she is not supposed to do. She then told me that she was not feeling well the deputy manager had told her she could bring in a comfy chair to sit on. Ten minutes later I asked if she was feeling okay, and she told me She was fine. So I guess we will never know!
I feel so scared and alone. tonight. So broken and overwhelmed. I just don’t see a way out. I can’t do this another day 💔 Yes my nice 1.1 is in tomorrow, but what about Tuesday and Wednesday? Then I’m on my own here and I just can not do it.
To be honest I think the sooner I sort this situation out the better, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is only one way of sorting out this situation so why wait? Why prolong the agony? And that is what my current living situation is – pure agony 😂 Made it clear to the people who could help me how low and desperate I am to no avail. I’ve made it clear what my intentions are. They should know by my history of risky behaviour that I’m serious. Living in this nursing home is intolerable and no longer an option.
And the night care gets worse
Up until 2 a.m., I had more or less been writing this post as things happened. However, things took a sudden change for the worse and I had to stop writing.
It’s now 4.30 a.m. and the the second 1.1 carer came in at 2 a.m. I was a little worried as she was the one I had a run-in with last Friday. Please see This post for more details about that day. She came in and sat down and said nothing. I was crying because I was in so much pain with my legs. She sat there and ignored me. Eventually, I asked her to go and get the nurse. As usual, he was useless in telling me I had had my painkillers and he could do no more.
I decided to voice-record care
After he went I repeatedly asked the 1.1 to help me put my feet back on the footstools. She kept ignoring me saying I could do it myself. I said no I need help supporting my kegs whilst they get in the footstool. She eventually came over but refused to help saying “When I was ready to lift my legs up she would help me” For the next while we argued about it.
I needed to prove I’m not lying
I then decided to audio-record our conversation so I could prove what was happening. I did tell her what I was doing, so it was in the open and not behind her back. She said she wasn’t going to help me under duress. Accused me of being nasty etc. I did record her and she knows it. Eventually, she puts my feet on the footstools. All of that grief for one single little request for help 😭
It is now 5 am and once again I’ve had a rubbish night with the 1.1 carers. The very people I’m supposed to be able to trust to take care of me, once again I’ve had no sleep. I can’t do this any longer. I’m sorry guys. I hope one day you will forgive me 💔